Help me regain my Freedom

Posted 25 December, 2019 at 06:35

Author Sally Herdman on behalf of Sally Herdman International Services


In 1995 I met a man who I believed shared my values and dreams of having children and a rural content family life on a farm.  It was a few years before I found that my dreams weren’t quite panning out as we had planned. By that time my husband (yes I married him) had moved us (my son and I ) into the depths of the countryside and closed most of my previous life doors!  We had married when I gave birth. I thought this was his strong family value and with hindsight realise it was just an ownership thing. Slowly and insidiously he stripped me of my self worth, confidence and esteem. The only time of the day I didn’t receive emotional or psychological torment was when I was working and paying money into the bank or cashing in my savings to make ends meet because the farm just ate money and didn’t produce an income.   For years I kept putting in money and effort and attempting to fix the family and keep the image of a happy family. I worked at my own business, managed the home and built the farm business as much as possible. I believed this was the best thing for us all and gave my all to try and make it work. As my savings ran out I was the one who got loans and credit to make ends meet! Finally, exhausted of emotion, money and lack of response by my husband to my entreaties to change, I applied for a divorce.  I believed it was the best way for my son to have a chance to finish his education without being berated for being stupid every day and for me to go to work and make ends meet and not have the constant drain of debts from the farm.

Over 5 and half years later and I am still not free.  The whole legal system is broken and completely fails to address issues around coercive control and financial abuse!  I engaged a lawyer to help as I was finding it impossible to get my ex husband to negotiate or take any action. As the new laws on the criminality of domestic abuse had just come into force and there were many media stories of awareness of this type of abuse, I had faith that the lawyer and the court system would be supportive and understanding of my needs.  Sadly this is not so. It seems that it is only the victims of abuse who have any understanding and their therapists. However, this does not help my financial situation. I have had to take my ex to court to try and get the money which was agreed at the financial order in 2016. So far this has happened 5 times and each time ex husband has used the system. He has acted in person and then instructed a solicitor and asked for deferment to prepare and then disinstructed the solicitor.  He has made up costs and monies I owe to him and has had adjournments to prepare his list of debts. In the interim I am still stuck in a farm business partnership and so he is still controlling my life. He has got the court to hold monies due to me from the sale of our farm while he makes up more and more fictitious debts.. In the meantime I have mounting legal bills for each appearance and am now nearly out of funds, trying to get my money!  

I have to find a way of funding to get to the final hearing which should be sometime after 10th January 2020.  The judge has directed a half days reading and 1and a half day hearing. I desparately want to get to court to present my case to the judge.  I want to make it clear that this is continuing abuse and coercive control and that ex husband is using the courts to collaborate with this abuse.  I want a chance to make a noise and be heard and get the system changed. Not just for me but for anyone else who is suffering this kind of abuse.

I have a barristers bill for £4920 which they want me to pay now and they project another £8000 to £9000 for court.  I hope there are some people out there who wlould like to help me speak out and have my say in court and finish the control and abuse.  In return for any help I promise not to stop until I have got ther government to review the way it deals with this hideously damaging form of cruelty.

If you want to help me have a voice please contact me on 07831 379562 or sallyherdman1@gmail.com

In 1995 I met a man who I believed shared my values and dreams of having children and a rural content family life on a farm.  It was a few years before I found that my dreams weren’t quite panning out as we had planned. By that time my husband (yes I married him) had moved us (my son and I ) into the depths of the countryside and closed most of my previous life doors!  We had married when I gave birth. I thought this was his strong family value and with hindsight realise it was just an ownership thing. Slowly and insidiously he stripped me of my self worth, confidence and esteem. The only time of the day I didn’t receive emotional or psychological torment was when I was working and paying money into the bank or cashing in my savings to make ends meet because the farm just ate money and didn’t produce an income.   For years I kept putting in money and effort and attempting to fix the family and keep the image of a happy family. I worked at my own business, managed the home and built the farm business as much as possible. I believed this was the best thing for us all and gave my all to try and make it work. As my savings ran out I was the one who got loans and credit to make ends meet! Finally, exhausted of emotion, money and lack of response by my husband to my entreaties to change, I applied for a divorce.  I believed it was the best way for my son to have a chance to finish his education without being berated for being stupid every day and for me to go to work and make ends meet and not have the constant drain of debts from the farm.

Over 5 and half years later and I am still not free.  The whole legal system is broken and completely fails to address issues around coercive control and financial abuse!  I engaged a lawyer to help as I was finding it impossible to get my ex husband to negotiate or take any action. As the new laws on the criminality of domestic abuse had just come into force and there were many media stories of awareness of this type of abuse, I had faith that the lawyer and the court system would be supportive and understanding of my needs.  Sadly this is not so. It seems that it is only the victims of abuse who have any understanding and their therapists. However, this does not help my financial situation. I have had to take my ex to court to try and get the money which was agreed at the financial order in 2016. So far this has happened 5 times and each time ex husband has used the system. He has acted in person and then instructed a solicitor and asked for deferment to prepare and then disinstructed the solicitor.  He has made up costs and monies I owe to him and has had adjournments to prepare his list of debts. In the interim I am still stuck in a farm business partnership and so he is still controlling my life. He has got the court to hold monies due to me from the sale of our farm while he makes up more and more fictitious debts.. In the meantime I have mounting legal bills for each appearance and am now nearly out of funds, trying to get my money!  

I have to find a way of funding to get to the final hearing which should be sometime after 10th January 2020.  The judge has directed a half days reading and 1and a half day hearing. I desparately want to get to court to present my case to the judge.  I want to make it clear that this is continuing abuse and coercive control and that ex husband is using the courts to collaborate with this abuse.  I want a chance to make a noise and be heard and get the system changed. Not just for me but for anyone else who is suffering this kind of abuse.

I have a barristers bill for £4920 which they want me to pay now and they project another £8000 to £9000 for court.  I hope there are some people out there who wlould like to help me speak out and have my say in court and finish the control and abuse.  In return for any help I promise not to stop until I have got ther government to review the way it deals with this hideously damaging form of cruelty.

If you want to help me have a voice please contact me on 07831 379562 or sallyherdman1@gmail.com

In 1995 I met a man who I believed shared my values and dreams of having children and a rural content family life on a farm.  It was a few years before I found that my dreams weren’t quite panning out as we had planned. By that time my husband (yes I married him) had moved us (my son and I ) into the depths of the countryside and closed most of my previous life doors!  We had married when I gave birth. I thought this was his strong family value and with hindsight realise it was just an ownership thing. Slowly and insidiously he stripped me of my self worth, confidence and esteem. The only time of the day I didn’t receive emotional or psychological torment was when I was working and paying money into the bank or cashing in my savings to make ends meet because the farm just ate money and didn’t produce an income.   For years I kept putting in money and effort and attempting to fix the family and keep the image of a happy family. I worked at my own business, managed the home and built the farm business as much as possible. I believed this was the best thing for us all and gave my all to try and make it work. As my savings ran out I was the one who got loans and credit to make ends meet! Finally, exhausted of emotion, money and lack of response by my husband to my entreaties to change, I applied for a divorce.  I believed it was the best way for my son to have a chance to finish his education without being berated for being stupid every day and for me to go to work and make ends meet and not have the constant drain of debts from the farm.

Over 5 and half years later and I am still not free.  The whole legal system is broken and completely fails to address issues around coercive control and financial abuse!  I engaged a lawyer to help as I was finding it impossible to get my ex husband to negotiate or take any action. As the new laws on the criminality of domestic abuse had just come into force and there were many media stories of awareness of this type of abuse, I had faith that the lawyer and the court system would be supportive and understanding of my needs.  Sadly this is not so. It seems that it is only the victims of abuse who have any understanding and their therapists. However, this does not help my financial situation. I have had to take my ex to court to try and get the money which was agreed at the financial order in 2016. So far this has happened 5 times and each time ex husband has used the system. He has acted in person and then instructed a solicitor and asked for deferment to prepare and then disinstructed the solicitor.  He has made up costs and monies I owe to him and has had adjournments to prepare his list of debts. In the interim I am still stuck in a farm business partnership and so he is still controlling my life. He has got the court to hold monies due to me from the sale of our farm while he makes up more and more fictitious debts.. In the meantime I have mounting legal bills for each appearance and am now nearly out of funds, trying to get my money!  

I have to find a way of funding to get to the final hearing which should be sometime after 10th January 2020.  The judge has directed a half days reading and 1and a half day hearing. I desparately want to get to court to present my case to the judge.  I want to make it clear that this is continuing abuse and coercive control and that ex husband is using the courts to collaborate with this abuse.  I want a chance to make a noise and be heard and get the system changed. Not just for me but for anyone else who is suffering this kind of abuse.

I have a barristers bill for £4920 which they want me to pay now and they project another £8000 to £9000 for court.  I hope there are some people out there who wlould like to help me speak out and have my say in court and finish the control and abuse.  In return for any help I promise not to stop until I have got ther government to review the way it deals with this hideously damaging form of cruelty.

If you want to help me have a voice please contact me on 07831 379562 or sallyherdman1@gmail.com

In 1995 I met a man who I believed shared my values and dreams of having children and a rural content family life on a farm.  It was a few years before I found that my dreams weren’t quite panning out as we had planned. By that time my husband (yes I married him) had moved us (my son and I ) into the depths of the countryside and closed most of my previous life doors!  We had married when I gave birth. I thought this was his strong family value and with hindsight realise it was just an ownership thing. Slowly and insidiously he stripped me of my self worth, confidence and esteem. The only time of the day I didn’t receive emotional or psychological torment was when I was working and paying money into the bank or cashing in my savings to make ends meet because the farm just ate money and didn’t produce an income.   For years I kept putting in money and effort and attempting to fix the family and keep the image of a happy family. I worked at my own business, managed the home and built the farm business as much as possible. I believed this was the best thing for us all and gave my all to try and make it work. As my savings ran out I was the one who got loans and credit to make ends meet! Finally, exhausted of emotion, money and lack of response by my husband to my entreaties to change, I applied for a divorce.  I believed it was the best way for my son to have a chance to finish his education without being berated for being stupid every day and for me to go to work and make ends meet and not have the constant drain of debts from the farm.

Over 5 and half years later and I am still not free.  The whole legal system is broken and completely fails to address issues around coercive control and financial abuse!  I engaged a lawyer to help as I was finding it impossible to get my ex husband to negotiate or take any action. As the new laws on the criminality of domestic abuse had just come into force and there were many media stories of awareness of this type of abuse, I had faith that the lawyer and the court system would be supportive and understanding of my needs.  Sadly this is not so. It seems that it is only the victims of abuse who have any understanding and their therapists. However, this does not help my financial situation. I have had to take my ex to court to try and get the money which was agreed at the financial order in 2016. So far this has happened 5 times and each time ex husband has used the system. He has acted in person and then instructed a solicitor and asked for deferment to prepare and then disinstructed the solicitor.  He has made up costs and monies I owe to him and has had adjournments to prepare his list of debts. In the interim I am still stuck in a farm business partnership and so he is still controlling my life. He has got the court to hold monies due to me from the sale of our farm while he makes up more and more fictitious debts.. In the meantime I have mounting legal bills for each appearance and am now nearly out of funds, trying to get my money!  

I have to find a way of funding to get to the final hearing which should be sometime after 10th January 2020.  The judge has directed a half days reading and 1and a half day hearing. I desparately want to get to court to present my case to the judge.  I want to make it clear that this is continuing abuse and coercive control and that ex husband is using the courts to collaborate with this abuse.  I want a chance to make a noise and be heard and get the system changed. Not just for me but for anyone else who is suffering this kind of abuse.

I have a barristers bill for £4920 which they want me to pay now and they project another £8000 to £9000 for court.  I hope there are some people out there who wlould like to help me speak out and have my say in court and finish the control and abuse.  In return for any help I promise not to stop until I have got ther government to review the way it deals with this hideously damaging form of cruelty.

If you want to help me have a voice please contact me on 07831 379562 or sallyherdman1@gmail.com

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I'm here to design a legacy which will protect your wealth for future generations and give you peace of mind, so that you can live your best life.​ I work with a very powerful legal team at Countrywide Taxation and Trusts Ltd, and am secure in the knowledge that my technical and legal backup...

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